Funny story..

I'm the type of person who does things for the sake of doing them. For example, I apply to the university programs that I do not because I want to study in that particular field or see a future in said field, but because I don't think I'll get in.

I'm the type of person who applies to UOIT for Biological Science because the acceptance cutoff is seventy percent and I'm pretty much guaranteed an acceptance. I applied to that same university for forensic psychology on a lark.

I'm the type of person who applies to York, Glendon Campus for both French AND English just in case I don't get anywhere. (Stupid really, because I have less of a chance in getting into York than UOIT.)

In fact, I applied to U of T St. George, Life Sciences, KNOWING that I wouldn't get in.

Guess what?

I got in to EVERYTHING. Everything I ever wanted, but didn't really because it was too much work (I'm lazy and don't see the point in changing this) or there would be no scholarship and blah. Honestly though, I'm scared. What if I can't make it? What if I'm kicked out because I can't keep up? This is entirely possible because - and trust me when I say I am not being modest here - that I am not intelligent.

I'm full of parlour tricks, like remembering certain details and understanding some concepts. I often miss the point or the big picture and can't think critically beyond what is obvious. Even worse, I can't even fake intelligent well. I'm incoherent, I act immature, and I don't know what I'm talking about, ever.

If I am absolutely no-holds-barred honest though, I'd have to say, Life Sciences does not appeal to me. Biological Science does not appeal to me. English appeals to me. Maybe not at York though, half because of the reputation (yes, I'm prejudiced) and half because that place has seen fires, rape and murder all in the span of two years. But, aside from that, English and literature appeal to me. Creative writing appeals to me (no, I'm not any good, it's for self-gratification).

Then why not apply for english or humanities or whatever in the first place, you may ask? Well, it's simple. My family would look down on it. Also, there's a good chance I'd end up sans job, sans money and therefore sans house, car and life. You could argue though that that's the future of every student who does not plan grad school because what can you do with a BSC or BA or whatever, right?

On top of that, there's transportation to consider. All the money that'll have to go into it and life just generally sucks. Most importantly, I have no job.

It's all this poison and shit swirling through my head and I can't decide what to do. I have to give my answer in two days.

"Grow Up."

Ever think that that's exactly what I'm trying to do? Maybe it's just me, but when you say things to provoke a reaction from me so that you can force me to do whatever you want is immature. More than that, it's downright manipulative.

All you think about is how right you are and yes, I admit, you are some of the time. There are other times of course, you don't bother to check yourself and then go hypocrite. There are even more times you don't even know what you're talking about and yet you force your logic down my throat.

But that's okay, because I'm just biding my time until I can leave you out of my life forever. Hey, maybe it's just PMS or my inner teen drama talking, again me being all naive and self-righteous and misunderstood. Just know that every time you think you're doing your 'duty' and play dad, every time you break me down to attack my self-esteem, and every time you belittle me because I'm useless, I will remember it.