When was it that I stopped asking for your approval?
When was it that I started to keep things secret?
Why do you ignore my input for things regarding me?
Why don't you accept that some things I have to learn by rote?
How did I ever realize that unconsciousness is better than consciousness?
How did you never stop to wonder if I was okay?
What happened that your face is more lined than ever, that your health conditions get increasingly serious?
What happened that I now purposely miss your intentions and what you want for me?
Where was it that we last left off?
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
I'm good..
on the university front. Not that great in French though.
Too much shit to do. No way I can turn. Atelier, ISP Essay, le SLAM and the discours itself. I am SO screwed. The good thing: if I crash and burn for the Atelier, my group burns with me. The rest, not so much. But it's worth ten percent. I can forgo ten percent, really. What about the atelier? Worth about the same as a test, which is what, ten percent? That's twenty percent right there. It'll be like my mark will be counted backwards from eighty if I don't do them. I cannot risk that.
Yeah, to top it off, during the worst time ever for emotional anguish, I'm kind of devastated because I think I like someone who will never like me in a million years. No, it's not one of those fangirl crushes, liking someone unattainable or out of your league like a supermodel or rockstar. We're actually friends. Tell me this doesn't suck.
Too much shit to do. No way I can turn. Atelier, ISP Essay, le SLAM and the discours itself. I am SO screwed. The good thing: if I crash and burn for the Atelier, my group burns with me. The rest, not so much. But it's worth ten percent. I can forgo ten percent, really. What about the atelier? Worth about the same as a test, which is what, ten percent? That's twenty percent right there. It'll be like my mark will be counted backwards from eighty if I don't do them. I cannot risk that.
Yeah, to top it off, during the worst time ever for emotional anguish, I'm kind of devastated because I think I like someone who will never like me in a million years. No, it's not one of those fangirl crushes, liking someone unattainable or out of your league like a supermodel or rockstar. We're actually friends. Tell me this doesn't suck.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
It kinda hurts, but not really
It mostly just irritates me.
My offers of admission to universities all expire tomorrow.
My mother stopped making me lunch. Which is, you know, understandable, since I'm eighteen. And going to university.
Don't know where to click
Because I don't know what to click
So I pretend I don't know how and what my mother wants.
Miserable, I think. I build things up to break me down. So I'd be miserable. And it's not like I'm choosing the one I am because I'm going to slack off. It's more a personal happiness thing. But you know, a parent only cares that it's well-known so it'll be easier to get a job in the future. Perfectly understandable. But I'm stagnant and it'll only get worse if I'm thrust into an environment that I will dread and be inferior and such.
Explanation: I'm the type of person who quits easily if discouraged even the slightest bit. If you look at it from Amy Chua's perspective, I'm a selfish, ungrateful child because my mother did not have the time to make sure that I was raised properly in the asian child mold. So no, I won't suddenly be humble and motivated to work hard because I'll be starting at the bottom. I'll stay at the bottom because I live by stereotypes and expectations and avoid as much effort and change as I can.
My offers of admission to universities all expire tomorrow.
My mother stopped making me lunch. Which is, you know, understandable, since I'm eighteen. And going to university.
Don't know where to click
Because I don't know what to click
So I pretend I don't know how and what my mother wants.
Miserable, I think. I build things up to break me down. So I'd be miserable. And it's not like I'm choosing the one I am because I'm going to slack off. It's more a personal happiness thing. But you know, a parent only cares that it's well-known so it'll be easier to get a job in the future. Perfectly understandable. But I'm stagnant and it'll only get worse if I'm thrust into an environment that I will dread and be inferior and such.
Explanation: I'm the type of person who quits easily if discouraged even the slightest bit. If you look at it from Amy Chua's perspective, I'm a selfish, ungrateful child because my mother did not have the time to make sure that I was raised properly in the asian child mold. So no, I won't suddenly be humble and motivated to work hard because I'll be starting at the bottom. I'll stay at the bottom because I live by stereotypes and expectations and avoid as much effort and change as I can.
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