Usually I hate things about wistfulness and yearning. Like, "if I had the chance, I'd do something different" or "I should've gone with that shampoo" or stuff about how you'd choose a different option when you never know how that other option could've ended up. You have no idea, and yet you're willing to risk everything you've worked to build, you've struggled to stay afloat, and you'd just leave all of that unfinished and that work pointless just for the chance to see a different road that might and most likely would've ended/continued to a fuck-all path. You might've had the result you thought you'd get, but you might not. You NEVER KNOW and still, you'd risk it?
That sounds like bullshit to me.
It can ALWAYS get worse. And plus, you always hear about people being afraid of things they don't know. Are these the same people we're talking about here? But okay, public opinion/word of mouth isn't exactly the best kind of evidence. But seriously, you're surviving, or you're falling, whichever one, but at least you know what's going on. You know where you are on this particular path whether you're getting a straight 4.0 GPA or pushed down the rabbit hole of drug abuse, you know exactly where you are at this exact moment. That definitely counts for something.
Maybe your life right now is shit. Maybe you wish you had taken bio instead of english because english is stupid and you have to write essays and be insightful and you have some kind of issue where everything you say out loud sounds like crap. Maybe you have no house and you had to lie on the cold sidewalk as snow fell around you and you're shivering in your dirty, holey rags. Maybe your socks are wet. Maybe you're a cult leader. Maybe you lost your job. Maybe your people, whoever they might be, family, friends, whatever, maybe they hate you.
It doesn't matter because every next step you take is one where you branch out to what you so fervently wished for two minutes ago. Instead of just sitting there or lying there wishing you weren't here, struggle more for where you are.
It hurts like hell. It will continue to hurt like hell. Nothing will ease this pain. But the only thing that really validates your existence is this struggle. People might not remember your name or your face or whatever. God might not exist or care or whatever. You might never do something worthy of being acknowledged, like blazing a trail or fucking up really badly. What is important that you try anyway, knowing that you're just as insignificant as that fly you slapped between your hands in the summer or that snail you crushed by accident on your way to your bus stop.
By the way, at the start of this half-assed, more-offensive-than-inspirational speech, I was totally going in a different direction. Now, I've struggled to put forth some kind cathartic and judgmental rant that is more than likely attacking (not intentionally, I assure you) people who have no way of struggling. I'm sorry. This was how I struggled in the moment.
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